I hate Mortal Kombat 2. Its bullshit. It was bullshit when I was 8, and its even more bullshit now. I recently dusted off this stroke-inducing nightmare to prove to myself that I am better than I was then. I could’ve held the control upside down and probably had the same results. Any plan I would have going into a fight, was quickly replaced by button-mashing and sheer panic.



 Thanks Aunt Mindy, for giving an 8 yr old an infarction

Why its bullshit
  • Fuck you Kung Lao, with your bullshit hat throw. I hope your best friend impregnates your sister, and turns out to be a very unfit father.
  • You can only spam the Liu Kang’s fire ball so many times before the computer figures out your bullshit technique.
  • The girls are the hardest part of the game PERIOD.
  • When I was a kid, I could tell I was done playing the game when the cartridge was ripped out of the console and thrown against the wall.
  • ‘Very Difficult’ setting is very true.
  • ‘Very Easy’ is a fucking bold-faced lie.
  • Lost to the first guy … 3 times.
  • Thought the weird guy that yells “TOASTY!” yelled “WHOOPSIE!” for the greater part of my life.
  • Fuck Kung Lao again, in the ear.


What a terrible 14 minutes that play session turned out to be. I hope the creator of Mortal Kombat 2 gets hit my a Mazda, and somebody hops out of some bushes and yells “WHOOPSIE!”